Dedicated to yours truly.

EDIT: I'd like to apologise to anyone who're affected, I still love you guys. :) Just not being myself.

I've never wanted to admit. But yes, after I sort of ended things with X, I was heartbroken, really upset.

I thought that I just needed a day or two to pick myself up, thinking that I am fine after crying.

Bullshit. I did so many things that inevitably got myself hurt.

I hated people who wallow themselves in self-pity, especially after breaking up. Yet, I was the one who wallowed myself in self-pity. I am not going to talk about how I felt, because I'm sure that almost everyone around me knew what happened.

Today, I asked myself, why are you trying so hard? What are you trying to prove?

Then I realised, I wanted to prove that I am still wanted.

That's all. I know that there are so many people who love me but it was not enough. How ignorant can I get. In this short period of time, there was countless times where I had intentions of being the charming flirtatious me. Honestly, now that I look at myself, I don't think that I am charming at all. It's time that I pick myself up and move on. I don't want to continue hurting myself this way.

Moving on,

Shihan.

Boys: Annoying ones.

Girls, have you ever met a guy that is so annoying that you feel like screaming at him?

I did. A few in fact.

The top 4 in the annoying list...

4. Scornful idiots.

Most of these scornful idiots owns a transport. They think that their transport gives them an upper hand. Yes, I must admit that having a transport gives you an upper hand, but your scornful attitudes? Only dumb girls can take that.

These men like to use phrases like,"Worry for what? I can send you home." Or,"Walk home yourself lor." Similar phrases with that boastful tone that I find it annoyingly annoying.

Honestly, men should be more humble, less egoistic. Cause egoistic brings you no where. So what if you have a transport, do I look like I have no money for cabs?

The way these men put it just make themselves sound stupid and shallow.

I've also met those without transport but similarly, egoistic. They like to make themselves sound like they're superman or something. Exaggerating their abilities, or put it in a crude way, saying that their balls are as big as a soccer ball, which is impossible.

3. Crocodiles.

Why do I categorized them as crocodiles are simply because, their skins are as thick as crocodiles. These creatures don't understand the word NO. They'd ask you out again and again even after constant rejections. My constant rejections do not refer to rejecting 2 ~ 4 times in a row. That might be because the girl is busy. My constant rejections refers to rejecting for 7~8 times, day after day. Have you gotten that before? It was awfully annoying and I ended up not replying, but clearly, Mr. Crocodile didn't get it. Sent me messages at least twice a day, without me replying and reporting to me what he was doing. Hell, do I look like I even care? Even after telling him straight to his stupid thick-skinned face to stop annoying me, he still did. Till now, I just have to ignore him.

2. If 10 is the maximum, I'm your 12.

Referring to guys who do not know where they stand. I'm sure every single girl met such a guy before. These men, have no idea how they look like, how they talk, how they present themselves and have no common sense. Just imagine..

Jennifer Aniston & Ah Nan (Local celeb)

You get what I'm saying.

I mean, go for someone your standard.

There was this guy, who can't even speak proper English tried hooking me up.

Man: Hi. Can make frd wit u?

Me: No.

Man: Why cannot.

Me: I don't like talking to strangers.

Man: It okay then.

Me: It's not okay. It should be It's okay instead of it okay. Brush up your English before trying to hook girls up?

Man: ...

Okay, I was having my mood swings then. I'm not normally like this.

1. Petty boys.

These are not pretty boys, but petty boys. Boys who act like girls. Hate them!

"Be a man, do the right thing." But why these idiots just don't get it?

For instance, after a break up, not even a divorce, they act like their exs are their enemies. Please, that is a fucking girl thing. If you tell me that you feel hurt facing them, fine, I understand. You don't go telling people stuffs about them. That's plain childish because your ex did not fuck you up to her friends. I realized that there is an increasing amount of these men boys who are acting in this lady-like manner. Stop being so petty, can't you just let go of these issues and move on? Stop picking on your ex or being all so petty. It is really a major turn-off. Cause it is equivalent to whiny boys. Which is equivalent to gay. Stop being a gay. Be a man and stop bearing grudges. Morons.

Boys, do not feel offended cause everyone have their flaws.

Just change if you think that you resemble one of these type.

Xoxo.

Thoughts.

I think that it's time to come clean to myself.

I haven't been exactly fair to people around me.

These few months, so many things happened.

So many people were in and out of my life.

I fucked up. Yeah, I know..

All I can say is that I'm sorry and I guess I've enter a new chapter of my life.

I am going to play hard, and work harder.

There are so many things that I intend to complete;

1. Increase 0.2 in GPA. (Or at least maintain)
2. Cut down sugar & carbo intake.
3. Start working out.
4. Car.
5. Control spending.

Okay, that is enough for now.

I've met someone special, who taught me a lot of things.

Perhaps that's why I'm changing, growing up and being a better person.

Xoxo,

Shihan.

Pre - Lunar New Year

How's Lunar New Year preparations for everyone?

Mine's fucking hectic.

I've tons of tutorials and presentation to complete, uncompleted new year shopping, manicure&pedicure, facial, help out my mom. etc.

On top of that, I've yet do up my room and house for new year.

I'm such a lazy bum I swear. & I hate pushing away promised dates, cause that makes me a PSK. :(

Sooooooooooo, a preview of my schedule for my upcoming week.

Please book ASAP for appointment hahahaha.

Love,

Shihan :)

My stories

2010,

I've met so many people & and there's so many occasions when I've shared joy and happiness with my beloved friends. I've learnt that there are so many people around me who care and love me, even people that I don't even know that care.

Some special moments,

Schoolmates,

Thanks for being a sweetheart and I loved those times when we hang out together.

It was very nice to meet all of you and thanks for being such good friends.

I've enjoyed my birthday celebration at Domes and also the many other times when we hung out.

Looking forward to the next few years with you guys. ♥

Zhikai & clique,

Thanks for being there for me all the time and care for me like a princess.

With you, I feel very protected and there's no doubt how much I trust you.

Thanks for allowing me to meet your friends and eventually, being friends with them.

I'd like to be there for you like how you are there for me the whole time.

I'm sorry for the times when I'm acting like a total spoilt brat, and thanks for tolerating all my nonsense for the past year.

I've never regretted knowing you and I'd like you to know that I really care for you. :)

Gibson,

Hello, if you are reading this, I would like to know how are you doing?

Perhaps we couldn't make it as a couple, but maybe it's better this way?

I was never a good girlfriend and although I loved you, I didn't express it the way you wanted.

I'm sorry that we didn't have a good end but I'm glad that we are at least on talking terms now.

I know that you still care, and I do still, as a friend.

I really would like to thank you for all the happy moments shared for the past two years, those tears I've shed for you is definitely worth it.

Thanks for all the efforts and time spent on me, I really love it.

Especially my birthday present.

You never forget how much I love present and bought me a Christmas present even when we're no longer together.

Thank you, and please take care.

You've been my best love.

Classmates,

I've entered SP and made new friends which I've became close to and shared many moments with. I love it when we joke about the most ridiculous things in school, have lunch together and do our work together. Thanks for being my lovely friends whom tolerate with my cranky attitude early in the morning. You guys spoils me so badly, letting me choose all the places to eat for lunch and all the simplest stuffs you guys do for me. Such sweet hearts! ♥

I love it when we celebrated Ziyuan's birthday together at Kbox and the Christmas celebration over my place. I swear that you guys are the best classmates that I've ever met. :)

Joanne & the clique,

We've been starting to hang out more often and we met the clique this year. Although there were many sad moments, but I cherish the happy moments especially.

It was really sweet when we celebrate each others' birthday and hang out together.

All those outings that we had were very happy moments and I love this one occasion when we celebrated Norman's birthday in school.

I also particularly enjoyed the picnic at Marina Barrage cause everyone really enjoyed themselves.

Joanne is really a sweetheart cause she's with me during all the ups and downs, and never fail to brighten up my day.

Thank you for being one of my few girlfriends and my best friend. You are always there when I need a listening ear and supports me no matter what I do. You're the best.

Love,

Shihan ♥

Christmas.

"Last Christmas I gave you my heart

But the very next day you gave it away

This year to save me from tears

I'll give it to someone special"

Someone special?

Everyone special!

I've had a joyous Christmas!

Exchanged many presents and blessings!

Someone asked me,"What is Christmas to you?"

I replied,"A day of joy, love and sharing"

Perhaps it might be a little cliche, but whatever, it's true.

It might as well been the best Christmas ever cause I've celebrated with my loved ones, and wished those who were not around.

Had a series of Christmas parties at my place and it was a blast!

Pictures are to be uploaded soon, cause it's 3:54am and I just came back from another Christmas celebration.

Although, this Christmas was one of the most tiring one, but it was all worth it.

My parents were so happy :)

Those smile that was painted on their faces will never be erased, cause it's the most genuine smile that I've ever seen.

The presents I've received might not be the most expensive ones but it's the thoughts that counts right?

At least I've received hell lot of chocolates (my favorite ♥)

I swear there's more than 10 boxes of chocolates!

It's too late, and my brain is dead.

I'm gonna blog again, but I just wanna say,

"I've got a wonderful Christmas!"

Love,

Shihan

I just want you for my own ♥

It's been a hectic week!

1. Uber moody week
2. MSTs
3. Christmas preparations!
4. Catching up with all my friends.

So many things happened this week, it's been so long since I've ever felt this way. It has been the best and the worst week of my month. (although it's only the 2nd week of the month)

Super moody week

I've had a huge quarrel with G, he had somehow left my life for good.

I'm not implying that I'm good, I was actually feeling somehow shitty and empty.

& since it was just 2 days before MSTs, I couldn't really study.

It's been around 3 years since I've met you, from the day peiwei left, you were my life.

We were inseparable, shed tears (of joy and misery) together.

Those times spent with you were the most unforgettable.

You loved (love) me a lot, I know. You were so nice to me baby.

I don't blame you, I admit that I've neglected you.

You might even hate me now, but I can't face you.

I know that I've hurt you, god damned badly.

However, that doesn't make me feel any better.

You were a part of me, till a week ago when you've decided to leave.

That moment when you walked out the door, I knew it was over.

I can't bring myself to cry, to think or to act normally.

I was so broken, I couldn't study, eat, sleep or do anything.

Life really sucked then.

I pulled myself up, together with my mother.

Know why I didn't want you back, even for only a day?

It's not that I've become heartless. I'm just so afraid, so afraid that it'll go back to how it used to be.

Afraid that I'm not willing to let go, afraid that I might hurt you just once again.

No darling, not even a day, not even opening my heart to speak to you for a minute.

I'm really scared.

I'm sad that you're gone, a part of my is gone, but relieved at the same time that I've released both of us from our miseries.

Take care, very good care. Cause I won't be around to do so.

You're on your own now. Good bye.

MST

Honestly, I kinda gave up on MST cause I couldn't even study.

I tried my best, although the results will probably not reflect it.

Christmas preparations

Scouting for Christmas shopping this week.

I'm so happy! ♥

Christmas trees, presents, decorations and songs are the best. :)

Catching up

Yeah, I've managed to catch up with a lot of people.

People who have always been around but I didn't really spoke to.

It's a nice feeling to know that there are still people out there who care.

Some people whom you won't even think of them thinking about you, do actually care.

A few of them read my blog, and a few stalked my facebook.

A few wanted to call and meet me and a few missed me.

Thank you friends, for being so wonderful.

I've made new friends on the way too.

They are also very nice people and stood by me when I needed it the most.

I love all of you.

& Jor if you're reading, I love you the most babe ♥; I love talking to you in the middle of the night, chatting about life and how some idiot treat us. Having our meals and stare at you in awe how much food you can eat and how much you can enjoy your food. You're the best, ever gf. :)

With lot of love & lots of Shihan,

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo