Perfect.

You'd look into my eyes deeply, & whisper into my ears telling me how perfect I am.
& apprise that nobody could ever replace what I'd gave.
I'd always thought, if I'd try hard enough to be more perfect, we'd be forever..
Then, you told me..
I'm too perfect for you, I should find someone better to be with me, keeping me accompany.
but, you're not me, how would you know how precious are you to me?
Without you, I can no longer be perfect..
You'd made me guilty of my merits.
Or maybe, it's just a convenient excuse to leave me.
We're like masquerader, telling each other how perfect, how flawless we are..
However, ends up realising, it was just a dream.
One day, we'll wake up & apprehend that nothing's perfect, neither are we..
Perfect is just a disguise of who we really are..

Dear Diary,
I haven't really felt happy these few weeks.
Something's troubling me. Nothing's helping.
Somehow, it just seems like I'm the one whose creating all these problems.
I feel like weeping so badly sometimes,
my life still goes on, I'd spend nights watching those taiwan drama & ends up sleeping in the morning.
I just feel so angry at myself at times & I'd just vent my anger on every single thing.
It sucks, just totally.
I feel like fainting right now, I feel so awful.
Is it that my heart can no longer contain all my miseries, & now it's pouring out.
I might seem so busy everyday, being so tired, my phone just keep ringing..
However, when you really realise. It's me.
It's me who made myself so busy, so tired.
I feel so lousy right now.
My head hurts.



Till death do us apart.
I could still remember vividly how we met,
I was walking back home from the station alone, unlike other days, I didn't have anyone to send me home.
I haven't felt that peace within me for a very long time, it was a beautiful night, stars were shining brightly as if they were smiling at me.
I felt so good, looking at the stars, thinking of my childhood memories.
Just when I was enjoying gazing at the stars, I noticed a black car stopping just right in front of me.
You peeked out of the window, asking if I need a lift home.
I didn't have intentions of accepting the offer till you opened the door & invited me.
Out of curiosity. I questioned you for sending me home.
Then I realised you were my best friend's brother, so you did recognise me.
You smile was so charming.
Upon reaching home, you insisted in sending me to my doorstep.
I thought, you'd make a great boyfriend.
After a year, you still did insist in sending me to my doorstep, I gave you a goodnight kiss before waving good bye.
I knew you were the one, the one whom I'd spend my last days with, the one whom I'd travel around the world with.
You used to send me back home at least twice a week, & slowly it became twice a fortnight, & it became twice a month..
We were just so busy. I know, we don't have time for commitments.
Every date with you is sweet and relaxed.
But it became hasty and gloomy.
I'd decided to end this once and for all, I could no longer see your charming smile.
I could no longer see the warmth in you.
Your career had replaced me in your heart, I know that.
You were surprised when I broke the news.
I walked away, holding back my tears.
I was firm with my decision, I knew it'd be the best for both of us.
I'm so sorry my dear, I couldn't help but see you suffer..
I love you.

Why didn't you wait for me, I didn't know how you felt until I read this...
It isn't true that dates with you were unpleasant, I was just troubled.
The only days that I could relax for a little bit more was the days with you.
The days that you'd comfort me with your smile & your hugs.
I feel just horrible without you.
It isn't true that my heart wasn't there.
It isn't true that I didn't want to see you, I just don't want you to worry for me.
I wasn't suffering, the best times in life was with you, I love you darling.
Why did you leave, I should've spent more time with you.
I should've clarify things with you. I'm sorry, please come back.
Baby, till death do us apart.. I'll be here, always waiting.

Yours,
Love.

Dear Diary,

I'm sorry for not being there.

I'm sorry for not being able to appreciate you when you tried making me smile.

I'm sorry for not being able to trust you.

I'm sorry for not being able to feel secure.

I'm sorry for not being strong enough.

I'm sorry for not being able to be in your shoes.

There might be thousands & millions of sorry(s) to everyone.

What's wrong with me.

Is it because of the several wrong choices that made me so insecure?

I know I can blame no one, but myself.

Now that I'm trying to clear all my doubts & be finally down to earth.

I'll start studying from tomorrow, & get to work.

Finally, a retest on Friday.

Give it your best shot Shihan. {:

Maybe, the real me is the best.

Stop acting, for the sake of yourself.

You can't even differentiate the real you and the other you.

Walked along HMV, looked at the sophisticated albums.

found several Christmas sound tracks, there's an urge in me to buy all of them.

I love Christmas, & Christmas songs! :D

How I wish I could decorate a tall tall big big Christmas tree & invite all my friends over for a Christmas party.

Playing the Christmas song, dancing throughout the night, & watch Christmas movies on the big television.

After that, drive all the way to Orchard Road to take some pictures of the dainty pretty decorations.

Have our supper at Esplanade, & walk around the Singapore River.

Heh, I know it sounds like fairy tale.

But, it'd be so sweet, isn't it? {:

I was walking under the rain, shivering inside.

The rain made my white shirt so super transparent.

I was so embarrassed.

I was drenched, make up smudged.

was feeling so empty inside.

Cabbed home & took a hot bathe.

It was so pleasant, like a young child, get to see his mama after his classes in the noon.

I'm thinking clear, knowing what I want.

Don't worry. I will walk along with you.

Something beneath me tells me not to be true,
for it will only get me hurt.

Things changed.
Everything, I know.
Thanks for everything. {:
It's time to grow up/.
A new chapter in life once again.
Changes for the better, I believe. <3

she'll never leave, she'll always be there protecting.
he'll never give up till his last breathe, always be there for assurance.
thank you, I love you dad, I love you mum.
You guys will be the best I'd ever had.

Dear Diary,
I'm so early today!
Will be sleeping after this.
Felt great after breakfast with dad.
He's so sweet. After all, a meal with him isn't that bad.
Oh well, I guess I will have weekends breakfast with him just like how we used to.
{: It's a promise daddy.
I wanted some changes in my life, for instance to get something to do, & be busy with.
I'll be working starting this Thursday.
Getting paid, earning my own money.
Stop slacking girl, start doing some thing.
I've realised I've been slacking for almost a year.
& now it's time to do something.
Soon after working it'll be Christmas, & I'll have to go back to school.
Closed down my previous blog.
A new me, & stronger me.
Felt relieved, after knowing what I want to do.
I've got few of my goals off the lists, & some remaining.
Work hard, show them what you are capable of.
It always feel so great, to wake up in the morning, looking at my big desktop.
Typing freely, not rushing.
It's a commitment. {:
It's a long & tiring day today.
Somehow, I don't wish to talk about some things that happened, so stop asking.
Good night,
I love you.

Blurred vision, shall have my last stick before bed. <3