PMS

I fucking hate PMS.

Makes me think about things, and most of the time, these things aren't gonna change.

This time, I thought about men.

Men who came into my life and left after a short while.

There was only one that stayed, one who stayed by me for these three years.

When I say stay, I'm not talking about constantly contacting, I'm talking about being so close by and I know I can turn to him anytime, anywhere.

Few days back, he was so angry with me that he left.

Left me all alone, not replying my messages nor answering my calls.

He spoke to me after awhile, telling me how angry he was.

I knew that I was at fault, all I could do is to apologise.

Then I thought of how desperate I was to keep him by my side.

Keeping the only man that stayed close by.

I hate this routine.

I hate that almost everyone come and go.

I hate that we will normally end up like strangers after awhile.

Those friends became acquaintance and acquaintance became strangers.

Usually, I'm the one moving on first.

They will be the one staying behind at the same spot, hoping.

But when they moves on, my heart aches, my heart aches looking at someone who is willing to do anything for me gone.

How selfish can I be, I always wondered.

I hate to see you move on.

I hate myself for hating seeing you moving on.

Sorry,

Shihan