Dear diary

It's happening again.

I'm so sorry.

I really am.

I hate this feeling, of being so empty, and lonely.

Honestly, who can I cry to?

You know, I do love you, so much, that I'm trying my best to give in.

I'm trying my best to be fine, to give you excuses.

Can you see?

Although, you're no longer the guy I once knew, but I know, there are still elements..

Today, things happened, I doubted if you're still the one.

I want to stay like this, or better.

But are you willing to?

You hear but don't listen.

You know, but don't acknowledge.

Please, be a responsible man, be someone I can trust and confide on.

Be someone whom protect and teaches me, instead of the other way round.

Is it even possible?

Tell me.

I have nothing, I only have you honestly.

I don't wanna lose you, you know?

Please, don't make me feel disappointed, again and again.

I'm tired.

I know you doesn't understand why am I so angry and frustrated today.

Because you're not doing what you should do, instead of making me feeling worse.

Ask yourself, every time I'm angry, have you ever done, or said anything to make me feel better?

What do you want?

Set priorities for yourself.

Can you put in at least a little effort to understand me?

I don't say things out, but once I say, It'll be harsh and it'll be like me throwing hard cold stones at you.

I don't want to do that, so can you try?

Sometimes, I'm so angry that I feel like slapping you, wanting you to wake up.

It's not every time Shihan, and Shihan.

I know it myself why can you?

You have your friends, your family, your studies.

I don't want someone whom blindly love me.

Love yourself.

I don't want it to be, because of Shihan, you can't do this you can't attend that.

Had you ever tried understanding me?

I can play some foolish game for 1 hour, without talking to you.

Can't you see that I want to be alone?

Why.

Do you truly not understood or you just wanna be stubborn as it is?

I can't believe I'm typing like this.

But, there is just so much frustration in me that I wanna say.

Pick up your phone.

What if one day I am no longer around?

By doing what you're doing, you'll lose everything soon.

I don't want that to happen.

I love you, I don't wanna lose you.

Can you change?

I don't know how many times this would happen.

It may be forever and ever, but when. Will you truly change?