" We fear the rejection, want the attention, crave for affection and dream of perfection."
Gina
You once told me that you'll never leave me, never hurt me like how he did. I guess I was wrong about you, you did the exact same thing to me. However, this time round, you didn't even tell me the reasons why. Why did you betray me and my trust like he did?
We were so in love last summer, high school was over and now it was time for college. It was then I started talking to you, and you were so nice. Perhaps like any guy who wanted to hook me up but I was blinded by love. You were tall, so well built and gave me all the securities that I needed. Your hands were so big, and every time you held my hands, I felt like I was a little princess who was protected and pampered with overwhelming love and care. You told me that I meant the world to you, and you were glad that you knew me. You'd come by after lessons, just to have lunch with me. You would come all the way from your school during rainy days to pass me your jacket, cause you fear that I'd catch a cold. You accompany me to everywhere I wanted. You were so sweet, honey, so nice that I couldn't help but take you for granted. I was an asshole for doing so. I know, and I'm really sorry.
It was the happiest moments of my life, but those happiness didn't last long. I had many suitors, and I liked the attention. I started dating other guys and I thought it was alright since we were not exactly in a relationship. I admit that it was my fault, I was being fickle. I took my chances, I was actually acting like a total jerk. You tried giving in, pretending that it was fine. Deluding yourself that I still belong to you. Time after time, it was your last straw when you realized I wasn't giving you the attention you wanted. One day, you couldn't take it and confronted me. Being selfish, I wanted everything, the presents, love, care, attention from every single one of you. I lied, again and again. You expose me every now and then, I feel guilty. So guilty within me, perhaps I really loved you, thus I've decided to leave. I'm tired of the games, I just want my life back. I was losing myself, I was even deluding myself. I told you that I can't be in a relationship. I wasn't suited to be in one. I wanted to be friends. I knew I couldn't commit into a relationship. I wanted to fool around. You had no choice but to respect my selfish decision. You were holding on, but bit by bit as the day passed, as I continued with my selfish acts, we drifted apart. We no longer confide in each other like how we used to. I fooled around, studied like mad just to forget you, forget how everything used to be.
I missed you so badly sweetheart, I couldn't take it any longer. I needed to see you, hear your voice, and even touch you. I hate the fact that we're no longer talking to each other. I hate the fact that you're talking about other girls in your facebook. I still wanted to be part of your life, knowing how you're doing every now and then. You're still very important to me. I know that I'm spoilt and it annoys you. I couldn't put down my pride to speak to you. But I really appreciate you. I care for you, I want to show you and I hate that you're pushing me away. For the past few months, I missed you so much, I want you to be close by and knowing that you'll always be by my side. My wish came true after telling you how I felt. I was so glad, so god damned happy that I was blinded by it. We were spending time together and I was putting in efforts to build back the bond between us. You just left me suddenly, it was so abrupt. I didn't know what went wrong, I don't know why did you come back. Was it for revenge for what I did? You didn't even give me a fucking chance to explain to you, cause you didn't say shit to me! You didn't tell me why, you just came up with a stupid excuse that you have a new girlfriend. Fuck that. It's just bullshit. I know it is all bullshit. Tell me that we're unsuitable. You gave me avalanche of excuses. Tell me something I don't already know. You're so predictable Zavier. So god damned predictable that I know you're lying. Why wouldn't you tell me the truth already? I'm trying to change, give me the chance that I deserve. You can't just leave. You should be responsible. Or was I wrong? You're just like any other guy.
Truth is, you've never forgotten me. You didn't want to do this, but you can't tell me why. - I know I'm being delusional. But I really want you back, I hate to think that you're acting like him. Leaving me just like that. I'm destroyed within. Everything that I painstakingly built up is crashed. You're ignoring my texts. I just doesn't matter anymore isn't it?
p.s. I'm sorry if this is shitty, trying to come up with new stories and new ways to express myself. Haven't done this in a long time. Hope that you'd enjoy.
It was the happiest moments of my life, but those happiness didn't last long. I had many suitors, and I liked the attention. I started dating other guys and I thought it was alright since we were not exactly in a relationship. I admit that it was my fault, I was being fickle. I took my chances, I was actually acting like a total jerk. You tried giving in, pretending that it was fine. Deluding yourself that I still belong to you. Time after time, it was your last straw when you realized I wasn't giving you the attention you wanted. One day, you couldn't take it and confronted me. Being selfish, I wanted everything, the presents, love, care, attention from every single one of you. I lied, again and again. You expose me every now and then, I feel guilty. So guilty within me, perhaps I really loved you, thus I've decided to leave. I'm tired of the games, I just want my life back. I was losing myself, I was even deluding myself. I told you that I can't be in a relationship. I wasn't suited to be in one. I wanted to be friends. I knew I couldn't commit into a relationship. I wanted to fool around. You had no choice but to respect my selfish decision. You were holding on, but bit by bit as the day passed, as I continued with my selfish acts, we drifted apart. We no longer confide in each other like how we used to. I fooled around, studied like mad just to forget you, forget how everything used to be.
I missed you so badly sweetheart, I couldn't take it any longer. I needed to see you, hear your voice, and even touch you. I hate the fact that we're no longer talking to each other. I hate the fact that you're talking about other girls in your facebook. I still wanted to be part of your life, knowing how you're doing every now and then. You're still very important to me. I know that I'm spoilt and it annoys you. I couldn't put down my pride to speak to you. But I really appreciate you. I care for you, I want to show you and I hate that you're pushing me away. For the past few months, I missed you so much, I want you to be close by and knowing that you'll always be by my side. My wish came true after telling you how I felt. I was so glad, so god damned happy that I was blinded by it. We were spending time together and I was putting in efforts to build back the bond between us. You just left me suddenly, it was so abrupt. I didn't know what went wrong, I don't know why did you come back. Was it for revenge for what I did? You didn't even give me a fucking chance to explain to you, cause you didn't say shit to me! You didn't tell me why, you just came up with a stupid excuse that you have a new girlfriend. Fuck that. It's just bullshit. I know it is all bullshit. Tell me that we're unsuitable. You gave me avalanche of excuses. Tell me something I don't already know. You're so predictable Zavier. So god damned predictable that I know you're lying. Why wouldn't you tell me the truth already? I'm trying to change, give me the chance that I deserve. You can't just leave. You should be responsible. Or was I wrong? You're just like any other guy.
Truth is, you've never forgotten me. You didn't want to do this, but you can't tell me why. - I know I'm being delusional. But I really want you back, I hate to think that you're acting like him. Leaving me just like that. I'm destroyed within. Everything that I painstakingly built up is crashed. You're ignoring my texts. I just doesn't matter anymore isn't it?
Zavier
It is not true that I do not care. I love you so much that I'm being paranoid and thinking about what you're doing, going out with whoever, being pissed after looking at your pictures taken with other guys and reading your text messages. I had a very hard time, I thought that you'd be mad at me and stop reaching out and trying. So that I could forget you. At first, after the few months, the efforts of me trying to forget you was showing. I could lead the life that I used to have, but when you came back for me. Everything that I tried was destroyed. I fell deeper. I started thinking about you every day and night. I was jealous over every single guy that you told me about. I hated myself for being like that. I didn't want to suffocate you. I know that you don't want to be in a relationship. I didn't want to force you. I wanted to leave, even if its being hated by you. I'd rather be hated than to hurt you.
p.s. I'm sorry if this is shitty, trying to come up with new stories and new ways to express myself. Haven't done this in a long time. Hope that you'd enjoy.
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