I can't seem to see you smile no more.

Dear you,

After so much we've been through, would you still want to go on with me?

I know that I'm a disappointment, but have you realized that you had never listened to my explanations?

Perhaps, we are both tired.

Just don't know what to do without each other.

I still love you like the way you love me.

I can't be like what you wanted.

Just like an injured cat, I was tamed for awhile.

Locked up in your house, I didn't need anything.

Safety was all I needed.

One day, out of curiosity,

I ran out of your house, my comfort zone,

to seek for fun and new things.

Everything came back to me.

The freedom that I had when I was out,

the fun and laughter that I could only have when I'm out.

When I returned home at night,

You stared at me and gave me a big punishment.

You did not allow me to run out again.

However, the temptations outside was so irresistible.

I sneaked out, once again.

You found out and punished me, and this cycle goes on.

Have you thought that one day, when I gets so sick of being punished, I never comes back?

Frankly, I don't like the way you look at me or speak to me now.

You know that I can no longer prioritize you, and somehow, you can't accept the fact.

I'm sorry to say that you are not the only one in my eyes.

After all the hurt I've been through, I don't think I can just pretend that all of that have not happened and prioritize you like I used to.

I don't like the feeling of being hurt.

I hate it when you ignores me.

Will things gets better?

Love,

Shihan

Best of both worlds

A friend told me,

"You can never get the best of both worlds."

Well, it's a pretty sad truth.

For the past one month, and even till now, I kept trying to manage my time between so many things.

Hoping that you'll understand and manage to get you to accept the change in me.

I'm sorry for the change.

I need to prioritize my studies, my family, friends and you.

There's so many changes for the past two months.

New environment, new lifestyle, new me.

You used to be my everything and of course you still play an important role in my life now.

I want to apologize for neglecting you, for replacing you with my studies but I would be really glad if you could understand all these.

Somehow, some times, I really feel like a very very greedy girl.

It will never be enough for me.

& After doing shit to get what I want, I feel guilty and shitty.

I don't want to do this!

Next week will be the MST, and seriously I'm damn worried.

I need to complete my stupid tutorial by tomorrow.

Good night people.

I love you guys.